Thursday, April 30, 2015

Ovarian Obstacles, Sinus Succotash, and Vera

Doctors. I can deal with them if they act like Dr. Gregory House. I can not deal with them if they can't treat the correct problem like Dr. Gregory House.

Case 1: The Ovarian Obstacles

Cousin Olga must not like me anymore, because she hasn't shown up for a second month in a row now. Bitch. Meanwhile, my PMDD and depression symptoms went baseline (back to manageable levels under appropriate dosage of applicable medication) yesterday. Really bizarre.

I went to see the OB/GYN on Monday. And I got this: "well, when you're on the pill, you are bound to miss a period."

To paraphrase my response: "I've never missed a period for this long in the 24 years I've been cycling without pedals. Try again."

So more blood work was drawn, and those results came back normal. Or did they?

Both my psychiatrist and my therapist (G-d bless them both) looked at my chart (and it helps that everything is under one medical system) and noticed my estrogen, androgen (the actual male hormone, not testoserone, who knew?), and progestin levels were never checked.

So in a couple of hours, I go for an ultrasound to see if there is anything wrong with my ovary and its gang of thugs.

Case 2: The Sinus Succotash

On Monday, my broke azz needed some dollars for groceries. And lo and behold, a bank changed their name and they're giving away free $50 gift cards to a regional grocery store chain to the first 1,000 broke azzes. Hey! Win-win, right?

Except I also came down with a nasty bug as well as the $50.

So Tuesday, I go to urgent care. The doctor looked at me and must have thought I had allergies. I was given an antihistamine, an antibiotic, and a nasal spray.

Which not only did neither of them worked, but made the bug grow into Waspinator. Fuck.

Today, I headed back to urgent care. This time I was seen by a nurse and not a doctor. And I was told: "These are great medicines. You should really give them a chance to work. It may take 5-10 days, but they do work."

My response? "I have a speech in 8 days, and I don't have seasonal allergies. Even I know this is a sinus infection."

Nurse: "But these meds also help with sinus infections."

Me: "Are you telling me I don't know my own body?" (Actual quote; no paraphrase.)

The nurse resigned his stance (not his job) and ordered a different antibiotic and nasal spray.

Now, I get to run home, drink 32 ounces of water one hour before the ultrasound, take these new new meds, heh, and remember not to use the latrine until after I get fucked with a device similar to a dildo.

Stay tooned....

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