Saturday, September 12, 2015

A Cute Uterus, Wrong Area of Pain, and Vera

Hey, Vera! Speak to me! Are you all right?

No. Heh.


Yeah, I'm okay, I'm okay.

Don't scare me like that!

Sorry. I sorta feel more blended and, dare I say, closer to "normal" than ever before.

Oh? Do tell...

Tuesday was surgery day. I had to get up super early because my surgery was super early. Almost like I had to go through all the TSA before boarding an airplane.
What was good about this experience was that the nurses, the anesthesiology team, and the surgeons (yes, there were TWO surgeons who worked on me; I'm that bratty) were super nice. Again, refreshing from the previous experiences with doctors over this nonsense. Even the main surgeon said that I had a nice uterus.

A nice....WHAT?

I know, right? Like, what do you say to that? "Oh, I do my best to keep it in squeaky clean shape." I mean, did my uterus look like a heart or a flower or some bow? Was it all gloriously pink? All I could muster was, "Um, cool. Thanks?"

So, where was this tumor from hell located?

On. My. Right. Ovary. The. Entire. Time.

Are you kidding me?

Nope, I called this out back in April when I was missing my periods. It was coming out of the right ovary, which made the right ovary swing off behind the uterus and peak into the left side. This is what happens when you know your body better than the doctors do.

Yeah, but didn't you want a hysterectomy along with it?

I did. So I'll continue to deal with more visits from Cousin Olga.

If there were any changes from last surgery to this surgery, it were these:
  1. No gas mask. The anesthesia goes into your IV tube. You don't even get to see the operating room anymore. It goes from pre op to post op in a flash.
  2. Less searing of the body. Instead of my lower abdomen being filleted to remove the first cyst, the surgeons treated the area like a baseball diamond. Home plate was at the belly button, where the laproscope went. All the other bases were where the removal devices went in to actually obliterate this cyst.
  3. Less recovery time. Instead of being out of commission for 4-6 weeks, I was out for only 3-4 days.
  4. Less surgical pain. Sure, there's some soreness, but that's not an issue.
The big issue is my throat. During the surgery, the folks placed a breathing tube down my throat so I could, you know, breathe and shit. Since the surgery, my throat has been an irritated bitch. I'm guessing the throat will take about as long as the minimally invasive incisions to heal properly.

It better.

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