Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Mall Rats, Bar Flies, and Vera

It's finally over and done with. At least for right now.

 On Monday, I had my second (and final) salpingo oophorectomy, removing my right ovary and right fallopian tube.  Inside that right ovary inhibited a third (and better be final) dermoid cyst (benign mature cystic teratoma).  What this surgery did was removed any potential to have more dermoid cysts forming in the ovaries, as well as removed any potential to have any children.

No ovaries mean no eggs, no eggs mean no period (I hope).  No period means I have entered the wonderful world of menopause, albeit surgically induced, 15 years ahead of schedule.

You hope you have no period? Didn't they take out the uterus?

Heh, if the doctors did that, I would have had a hysterectomy. I have everything but the uterus removed from my system.

So, um, why didn't they remove the uterus?

Dear Reader, that is what rabbis at my temple call "a great question." A question that doesn't have a definite answer.

You serious, bruh?

The specialist told me that it was "medically unnecessary" to remove the uterus. That was the "official" answer.

But isn't it "medically unnecessary" to actually keep the damn thing?

Again, a great question, Dear Reader. Another question that I can't answer entirely.  Because I don't know.

Initially, I thought they were keeping the uterus because of progesterone, a hormone produced in the uterus.  That's when I realized Specialist #93 told me this back in December. This was Specialist #205; their opinion was slightly different.

So, the cute uterus remains.  To make sure the uterus doesn't develop any cancer (again, this leads to us both asking why didn't the specialist remove the damn thing) due to estrogen, I will be given progesterone replacement therapy to balance the estrogen replacement therapy.  The specialist made the prescriptions with the pharmacy; now I am waiting for the pharmacy to let me know that they have them ready for my disposal.

What kind of hormone replacement therapy will you be doing?

Well, this type of therapy is in the form of a pill and a patch.  The patch will have the estrogen that I need; I replace the patch every three days.  The pill I take like I would have birth control; at the same time every day.  I don't know the names of the medications yet.  And speaking of birth control, since I have permanent birth control, heh, I don't need birth control pills anymore.

Oh wow.  Have you had any hot flashes yet?

Believe it or not, I have had two mild ones since the surgery.

Really, what were they like?

For me, it was a general flushing of the body for about 3 minutes, a slight elevation of temperature around the abdomen, and then back to normal.  I'm guessing because of how warm I usually am anyways, the heat flash seems minor to me than it would to folks who experience more severe hot flashes.

How is the pain?

The only pain I really experienced was the bloating from the carbon dioxide surgeons use to inflate the body in order to get to the place(s) that require medical attention.  Once my body started releasing some of that gas, the pain subsided.

Yes, one of my instructions after surgery was to belch, fart, and pass stool for relief.

It was a return to my eleven-year old self in a sense, heh.

Wow, you're officially sterile. So, um, now what?

The best thing is I don't have to buy feminine napkins in bulk anymore.  If I ever wanted to run away and become a train chaser, living on the tracks exploring the country, I could do that.  My nerves are finally at peace since this medical bullshit started back up in March of last year.

How about your sex drive?

What about it?

Have you been able to, you know, get "frisky" since the surgery?

Heh, no I have not been horny.  If anything, the surgery pretty much killed my hypersexuality for the time being.  Plus, with the removal of parts, the surgeons also did a dilation and curettage (a D&C) of my inner uterine endometrial lining (I was supposed to have had a period this upcoming Sunday).  So another instruction after surgery is that I am on "pelvic rest", meaning no sex or self-service with appropriate appliances, until I have my post-surgery follow up appointment.

Whoa. Dude.

I know, right? I'm highly amused over the changes that are happening to my body. For me, it's fun to watch and take notes.  It's like watching the social evolution of humans during the past 30 years, watching children become teenagers hanging out at the mall (thus being referred to as "mall rats"), and then watching teenagers become legal drinking aged adults (thus being referred to as "bar flies").  The evolution of my body is a pretty amusing thing to watch.

Only you, Vera, would be amused by experiencing menopause.

Damn right I would be.

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