Monday, June 13, 2016

Cat Food, Drill Sargeants, and Vera

Vera? Where in the hell have you been? Haven't you seen what's happening in the news?

Hi, Dear Reader. Yeah, I have been up to date on such sad and tragic events. This year sucks.

No shit. So why aren't you on social media, besides here? What the actual fuck?

I'm actually taking an extended break for a while. I need to get my proverbial house in order while living with my emotional support animal. And let me tell you, this shit ain't easy.

Vera: it's a fucking cat. How hard can this be?

Heh, let me explain.

On Wednesday, I will get my monthly allowance. That will give me funds to take care of me, my stupidity, and, now, Callie.

Until then, I miraculously have $2.35 in my bank account.

I ran out of Callie's prescription canned cat food. Luckily for me, I have a case of assorted name brand canned cat food. So far, neither Callie nor I have been bitching about what food it is. On the flipside, both Callie and I have been bitching about when to serve meals.

I, personally, like to get my sleep.

Babushka Koshka (Grandma Cat), on the other hand, thinks she's the love child of Bob Backlund and Sgt. Slaughter by making sure I'm awake and making sure she gets her grub on.

So who needs a fucking alarm clock when you have a cat will bop you on the nose at 5:00 in the got damn morning?

Want to be a party animal? Not with this drill sargeant. Lights out at 2200 hours; that also includes no Internet.

*snickers* Looks like she's just the one to keep you in check, Vera.

My rabbi told you to say that, didn't he?

*laughs* No, not this time.

CAHOOTS! I KNEW IT.

Go on, Vera.

Welp, since it's close to payday, that means I don't have food for myself. So my curiosity led me back to the webz to see if cat food was, actually, edible for human consumption. I mean, I remember the whole Congressional Cat Food incident and all, but has any Congressperson ever tried eating it?

So after discovering that, yes, a little bit of cat food is edible, I went into the pantry closet and take out a can of name brand canned cat food. Turkey and Giblets? Okay, so I'm about to have a Thanksgiving feast.

Or not.

The good news is I only took a small taste of this goose liver looking mush. The bad news is that's all it took for me to almost get sick.

I look at the can to figure out what's so nasty about this shit. Crude fat, okay. Crude fiber, okay. Moisture, okay. Ash, okay. Taurine, oh....

Ash?
The name brand canned cat food has actual ASH in it. Ash from what, it doesn't say and I have no idea. But it sure made its presence felt in my mouth. Holy fuck, that small snipet of pate was nasty.

Good thing for me I have some edible staples that I can digest, like peanut butter, jelly, eggs, and milk.

No wonder Callie is always after my food. If I had to live a life where my food had some ashy-azz taste to it, I wouldn't be too proud to beg for a nibble either.

I'm guessing you did not like the cat food.

Yeah, I'm good. The cat food is most definitely for cats, not for pussies.

Duly noted.
Uh oh, here comes the drill sargeant, rawring, grunting, and bopping on my ear. *bop* *rawr* *grunt* *bop bop*

Ugh, I am Callie's pet.

1 comment:

  1. agree on the furry alarm clocks, heh. my past experience with pets, they have their own agenda/schedule. hopefully, once the two of you get acclimated to each others schedules and quirks, the comfort level in your home will have improved.

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