Friday, July 22, 2016

An Invitation to Socialize, My City Still Stands, and Vera

And now the rains come.

It had been bone dry for the past several days, including during the Republican National Convention.  But since all that madness is now heading to Philadelphia, Cleveland can take a sigh of relief.  The city did not burn to the ground as I predicted.  It does make me think of this question: are we, the folks here in the Greater Cleveland area, that nice, or are we so inert and complacent that we can not do a full scale protest of what's happening to our country and around the world?

Meanwhile, I have some new beginnings coming up real soon.  Along with meeting my very first ever case manager on this upcoming Thursday, I will also say "hi" to a new psychologist; someone outside the hospital system I deal with.  The fact that I was able to secure (hopefully) a doctor that specializes in both posttraumatic stress disorder AND autism is a huge deal for me.  These new beginnings should bring the change that I need so desperately in my life.

There is one thing, however, that has been bothersome to me lately; socialization.  More like, I'm finding myself becoming isolated again.  I wonder, though, if this is something I did on myself.  Ever since I sold my car back in December, I have noticed my social activity level did take a plunge.  Getting rides to and from the Wednesday night craft group were becoming a bit tense, not to mention when I would have a meltdown, resulting in me sitting in another area recuperating for the remainder of the group time.  After a while, I wasn't having fun anymore.  I stopped going.  Nothing on the ladies who participate in the craft group (hell, one of the crafters reads my blog on the daily), it's just the way it goes.

Another aspect of my group participation dwindling has been my interaction with folks in and out of a specific group of folks within my temple.  I don't know why, but at the same time I am okay with it.  I used to hang out on different Sundays for a TV show watch party, I used to hang out with some of these folks either at their homes or at a restaurant, I used to get rides to and from certain services, and so on.  Now, it is what it is; I don't know if I offended one person or the entire group, or because of my disability and my mental illnesses these folks just do not know how to work with me.  Not my problem, however.

I will say this: not having a car (or even perhaps the blunt force descriptions of myself in this blog) gives off an impression that I am a liability and therefore no one wants to be seen with me.  Which is actually ridiculous because superficial situations are not what makes the character of a human being.  The majority of Jewish events I would like to attend, however, are not on bus friendly areas; so having to beg someone for a lift or having to appropriate $15 for a ride share service, in of itself, proverbially blows.  If I want to go visit someone who lives out of Cuyahoga County, arrangements need to be made over transport logistics.

Nothing is free; everything has a price.  And with me becoming the person that I want to be, it will cost me more than just spoons.

If you love me, thank you for staying around and being there.

If you don't love me, don't let the door hit you on dat azz on your way out of my life.

I am who I am; take me or leave me.



  1. question: do you own a bicycle? if so, that could help with some of your transportation, even with the bus system there in Cleveland. just a thought.

    i do empathize with your changing socializing; i go through a similar cycle because of anxiety/neuropathy flare-ups/joint pain. it sucks not to be able to go or have to leave early. most of my inner circle of friends know about my health issues, so they've been supportive in understanding when something comes up and i have to cancel plans or whatever.

    do what you have to do sweetie! 💖

    1. Great question. I actually had a bicycle; bought it a few months after I moved into my current location. I ended up getting rid of it and all the equipment I bought for it in order to make room for Callie cat back in May. Down the road I may get another bicycle, but I have my sights on other things I need to put a few dollars down on.