Saturday, July 16, 2016

The Republican National Convention, English as an Optional Language, and Vera

Coming to you from a grocery store in Downtown Cleveland, it's "This, That, and Vera", with your hostex, Mx. Vera Didenko!

One of these days someone will actually get to do that.  I hope.

In the meantime, I am sitting at the Heinen's Grocery Store on their 2nd floor, overlooking folks who are both doing their grocery shopping as well as sampling craft beer and exotic wines.

I managed to have a late lunch here, when I started to read some of the upcoming events for their Beer & Alcohol department.  I also managed not to choke as I read the first item for their August schedule.

"Thirsty Thursday: Thursday August 4,11,19,26"

Unless G-d said "And on the eighth day, Adonai took two days out of August to mess everybody's schedules to Sheol," it was a glaring typo that was not going to look so well for the grocery store.

Luckily for me, a Heinen's clerk walked by and said "Hello."  That was all I needed.

I pointed out of the error.  She immediately gasped and thanked me for pointing it out.  Next, she had to go to all the tables on this floor and remove the erroneous flyer from each table; twenty-eight tables in all.  After that exhaustion, she ran to her supervisor and explained what was wrong with the flyers, prompting the supervisor to take action.  About 10 minutes later, he reemerged and gave the clerk 28 corrected and reprinted August event schedule for the Beer & Wine department.  She came by to where I was sitting and showed me the improvement, and thanked me once again.

And not once did I ask for a cookie.

Meanwhile, as the rest of the entire Greater Cleveland area tries to put its best proverbial feet (or use the of English language) forward, I sit here in awe of how much security and police presence has already made its way into Downtown Cleveland in preparation for the 2016 Republican National Convention.  I mean, there are armed security guards walking around the grocery store.  Public transport automobiles have already been rerouted to specific layover spots for today until the end of next week.  Police officers are already directing traffic at major intersections.  Even East 9th Street has been reduced to a one-way road as there is a gated fence occupying the second half of the road, hypothesizing that portion of East 9th Street will be used for the delegates en masse going to and coming from Quicken Loans Arena.

To say the surroundings feel pretty damn near surreal is an understatement.  Considering what has happened on this planet for the past fortnight, Cleveland might as well be the New Ground Zero.

What I should be doing is doing some grocery shopping for emergency rations, considering the Apocalypse Wow that is about to go down in the next several hours.  However, being in the thick of the Modern Western Front is as about as close to an actual world war battlefield as I will ever see.

In the meantime, what I do see in my future is the loo.  As a lifelong Clevelander, my body is not used to eating "clean" food.

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