Thursday, November 24, 2016

Goy Bubble, Boy Trouble, and Vera

I have no idea how neurotypicals deal with more than one prospect of a lover, but I can probably assure you it is nothing like how autistics deal with it.

Wait? Autistics can fall in love and stuff?

It's true. For some of us who are both able to and choose to deal with the human species for our animal instincts, autistic folks can and do become smitten with someone. I will say this; if they can lure you away from even your most prized fixation, SPOUSE THAT MOUSE (like, get married or become a family NOW).

That's cute.

It ain't cute, bruh.

Love is this damning force, equivalent to a life-threatening illness. You play Russian Roulette with this emotion, and when you pull the trigger, either you survive its effects or it breaks your heart and kills you.

Okay, since you feel that way, why not just have sex with that person and forget about having love in the mix?

Unless you are a sadistic psychopath who shuns the notion that they are worthy of intimacy, autistics want to feel and be felt just as equally by their partner(s). From a simple hand hold to a deep pelvic thrust, these sensations are absolutely sensory driven. One autistic must prepare themselves to engage in such a carnal combat. Their partner should be at the ready to guide to be guided by their autistic lover through the process. The most important thing; if one person says "stop," that does not mean "keep going." When someone says "stop," you stop. FULL STOP.

Um, you don't think nonautistics engage in the same set of instructions?

There are some neurotypicals who actually do not. However, since instructions are a major turn on along with an attractive body or speaking in a seductive language, autistics can actually thrive in this type of environment.

However, like most rules of engagement of human interaction, there are unintended consequences:
  • pregnancy
  • disease
  • ridicule
  • violence
  • being sexually interested in more than your human of desire
That last bullet point is becoming an issue for me.

VERA. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

*deep sigh* Yeah, I am serious.

Well, shit; this might make for some serious fuckingly awesome reality TV. Are you currently in a relationship with that person you were dating?

No, I am not. Although, we are taking it slow....

FUCK THAT. You are not obligated to that person to disclose anything because you are not in a relationship with them. That's their fault for not locking it down.

Um, locking what down?

Locking your love down so that no intruder can steal it from them. Trust me, when someone wants to be with you, they are willing to do ANYTHING YOU WANT to keep you and your love.

Oh? Is that right?

Uh, yeah.

Are you in a relationship, Dear Reader?

*clears throat* I'm, uh, I'm in between relationships.

Damn.

Well anyways, since I made the announcement that I am dating, let's say that more prospects have decided to identify themselves as possible contestants of love.

"Contestants of Love," that's brilliant. The fuck am I reading, a failed series pilot from VH1 made in 2006?

It's more than what you are getting, am I right or wrong?

Touché, little shit.

And what's worse? Neither of my contestants are Jews.

*with deep sarcasm* Oh no! What will your poor rabbi think?

*eyeroll* I don't think he gives a shit about what religious beliefs a person has when I am hooking up with them, unless one of us shouts "Jesus Christ!" during a climatic moment.

So, what's it to you if your fuckboys (your title gave me the idea) aren't Jewish?

Well, I would like to find a nice Jewish boy, or girl, or a fellow brat like myself. It makes it a bit easier since I go to temple every week. The only problem is that none of the singles where I reside understands blue-collar lexicon or humility for the things they possess. All the potentials I have spoken to have pretty much one thing on their mind, and that's who can provide them with children so they can raise the next generation of Jews. So yeah, currently, my contestants are goyim, which means "non-Jews" (a goy is a "non-Jew").

Uh, yeah. Social status means nothing to you right?

Hm. Touché, little shit. Duly noted. So maybe a Jew isn't in my plans for having sex in the near future.

No, but don't advertise yourself as a groupie that only Pamela Des Barres could love, either. Just enjoy the company you are with. Don't rush into things, but also don't let someone walk all over you figuratively.

Now, how in the hell am I supposed to do that?

That's a question even neurotypicals don't have an answer for, Vera.

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