Sunday, November 27, 2016

Isaac, Caught in the Middle, and Vera

Hey, Dear Reader; wanna see how many people I can piss off with one sentence?

You mean you haven't done so already? Sure, why not?

The first autistic, in my opinion, ever recorded in history was in the Hebrew Bible, describing the life of Abraham and Sarah's beloved child.

Well, Vera, it doesn't piss me off, sorry. But I can see how it would make a few heads explode.

Allow me to entertain your brain, if you will.

So, in the Hebrew Bible/Christian Old Testament Book of Genesis, there's this dude bro named Yitzhak (say: yeetz-HAHK), to where in this day and age we call him Isaac (say: EYE-zik). Isaac, for the most part, was a miracle baby for Sarah, because for the first 90 years of her life (or however age was calculated at the time), she was childless. Granted, Abraham (who was near 100 at this point, suck it, Hugh Hefner!) had a sidechick who also bore him a son, but this was a bigger deal; Abraham was going to be a daddy to the child of his beloved wife.

And that's when the fight started.

No? Okay.

One, two, skip a few, thirty-six, about thirty-seven years (give or take a dozen) after Isaac was born, Abraham gets the call from G-d to bring Isaac to Mount Moriah so that Isaac will be bound and sacrified. And even though, along this journey, Isaac may have pestered his father with the equivalent of "are we there yet," Isaac never questioned what was going on and why he was on this trip.

Even when Abraham tied up Isaac to a post, Isaac was as chill as a slice of watermelon.

Um, I don't know about you, but wouldn't most kids try to, uh, escape being a religious sacrifice, or something?

Well, not really, especially if they are leading in faith.

And that's the problem with most of us autistics, we trust too many damn people who are close to us.

And just how does autism mesh with Isaac?

Easy, really. My guess is that Isaac knew beforehand that Abraham was going to pull a stunt to show G-d his obedience, even on controversial commands. Since Isaac figured out that he himself really wasn't going to get hurt, he "retreated" back into his own "world," where life was simple, beautiful, and surprising with each discovery. Even if it meant counting the hairs on the donkey he rode on, that was Isaac's happy place.

Now, where in the Bible does it say that Isaac was counting hairs on his own ass?

It's a hypothesis, Dear Reader. Maybe it's in some midrashim (Torah commentary) somewhere.

At any rate, Isaac didn't get sacrified after all. Just the thought of that alone was enough to kill Isaac's mother, Sarah. And I believe it; just look at what happened to Amanda Berry's mother, Louwana Miller, z"l, a short time after her daughter went missing in plain sight.

As the story goes, the Hebrew lineage continues through Isaac (instead of his half-brother) when Abraham instructs his loyal servant, Eleazar, to find Isaac a wife.

Uh, couldn't Isaac go out and find a companion on his own?

Oh, come on! Abraham had cash money to afford a servant to moonlight as a matchmaker. Why should Isaac do the work when he doesn't have to?

In my theory, it was because Isaac didn't care much for socializing with people, especially with the honeys. And Abraham, being the World's First Jew, didn't want other people to think that his son was "weak" or "defective."

And where did you get that idea from?

Loosely from Genesis 24:63, where it talks about Isaac going out one night into the fields to pray and meditate. I think he had a better relationship with nature and animals, being out and about by himself, rather than dealing with which goatskin garments are current haute couture.

All I see is Isaac being a big old introvert, not necessarily autistic.

Try this for size: Isaac gets the girl, Rebecca, and they marry. They have twin boys, Esau (say: EE-saw) and Jacob. Esau grows up to be a badass, while Jacob grows up to know better. And the story goes on and on, up to Isaac's death. 

The point is, although it's as weak as they come, Isaac was a simple man doing amazing things for his people. What Isaac lacked in military intelligence, he more than made up for it by establishing numerous water wells for communities (without a thank you, no less). His farming, irrigating, and all around landshaping capabilities gave future societies a blueprint for civilization.

Okay, self-proclaimed talmudist; what was Isaac's fixation?


Oh yeah?

Sure. Everything Isaac did was for G-d. No arguing, no second guessing, no bullshit. Simplicity in structure, demonstrated in its most beautiful form. If there was anyone G-d was more pleased with pre-Moses, it was the autistic exhibitions of one Isaac, who showed the world how tikkun olam could be potentially achieved.

Again, it's just an opinion, an educated synopsis.

Which also leads me to another point; if it does come to be that Isaac was, actually autistic, then that would throw out the window the image of an autistic individual the late Dr. Leo Kanner tried to shove down parents' throats for decades.

Dear Reader, this could be huge.

*yawn* That's nice, Vera. Oh, did the Browns win today, or nah?

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