Sunday, December 25, 2016

Dreidels, Gelt, and Vera

I hope those who celebrated Gregorian Christmas today had a fantastic day.

A lit shamash and two other lit candles burn on a hanukkiah.
Photo credit: gas_station_sushi on Flickr.I
I know I did, Vera. What did you do?

I gave myself the best present of all: SLEEP.

That's it?

You damn ace, I did, Dear Reader.

Wait, is it still Chanukah?

Yup, up until nightfall January 1. By that time about 97% of the world will be going on some form of diet to detox from all the oily foods.

Ugh, I see you on that.  I shouldn't have had Grandma's Best Fruitcake Ever.

*digs into pocket* I have some gelt if you want some.

'The hell is gelt?

Cash money.  Well, at least Jewish cash money.

Well, shit. Gimme some of that.

*hands over some pieces of gelt to Dear Reader*

Hey, wait a second.  This so called "cash money" has a gold wrapper on it.  And it's CHOCOLATE.

Heh, gelt was at one time cash money.  Today, gelt is more associated with chocolate coins.

You offer me fake cash money again, and I'll have a need to whoop your ass.

Geez, you're no fun. Coal in your stocking this year?

Nope. I did get some stuff.  Stuff that I need.

The four sides of a Jewish dreidel. Each Hebrew letter is an
acronym for the phrase, "(a) great miracle happened there."
Stock photo.
Would you like a dreidel?

And just what, pray tell, am I going to do with a dreidel?

Spin it to win some more fake cash money.  What else?

You serious, bruh?  I want to play a game for some REAL CASH MONEY.

Okay, how's this: I'll give you some dollar bills if you can spin it and have it land, face up, on a certain Hebrew letter.  There are four Hebrew letters, one of each side.  To win money, you have to land on two of the four sides.

*spins a dreidel* All right, I landed on a "nun" (say: NOON).  How many coins do I win?

*looks up rule book* A "nun" means you don't get anything.

Man, this is like shooting craps in an alley somewhere.

You know, I never thought of that before.  And I don't think people actually lose stuff and/or die when they play with a dreidel.

So, what's the point of this dreidel game?

With the gelt, you play to win the most chocolate pieces.  With cash money, you play to win the most money. Then afterwards, you donate some of that as a part of tzedakah (say: tzeh-DAH-kah), or charity.

*spins the dreidel again* I landed on a "shin." What do I do now?

Heh, you get to put some of your gelt into the middle.  Hopefully no one gets a "gimel" (say: GIMM-el) or a "hey", otherwise they will collect all or some of the middle loot.

OH, HELL NO. After all that hard work....

What?  It's just a game.

Yeah, well, enjoy your game.  I'm going to watch some football.

Hey, can I have my gelt back?

*background* NO.

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